The Taylor Swift Wedding - A New Kind of Low
July 10th, 2026
I'm writing this because . . . I want to feel mass appealing.
The wedding of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce is wonderful news. I say this with no irony whatsoever. The act of the marriage itself is good, wholesome and overall a positive example for a society with a decaying morality. Thumbs up as far as I'm concerned.
But this event is also a fitting piece of satire for the Taylor Swift uber-trend. Her gradual ascent into outright crass commercialism has become historic, in a sense. We've seen big hits over the decades, but none in my recollection really reaches for the brass ring so much as Taylor and company: Swifties, The Eras Tour, NFL, NBA Finals, an entire magazine section of her own in Barnes and Noble and now to take it all to brand new heights -- a wedding at Madison Square Garden filled to the brim with celebrities.
Most people in her position seem to clamor for a little privacy once they hit a public zenith, but Taylor for some reason seems ready to go higher. So she (or whoever manages the Taylor Swift Show) chose a nice quiet wedding at Madison Square Garden - one of the most famous arenas in the entire world. We're used to sporting events, major concerts and other unique performances, but a wedding? Now that's shocking stuff, but it makes so much sense when you sit around and ponder a bit. I suppose it's just a natural progression in the evolution of Taylor to make her special wedding day an extension of her never-ending World Tour. Let's make it a bestseller, right?
Even more oddly, the whole thing has the ring of one of those Reverend Moon mass weddings that used to be held in arenas around the world. But Taylor Swift, however, is a different kind of mass consumption - one that doesn't really have a name yet, but I'm sure one will emerge; Taylor deserves to have more words in the English language invented in her honor, right?
In all seriousness though - if Taylor Swift decides to team up with Elon Musk and plant one of the first colonies on Mars - will her Swifties follow?